Talmage - the son of infamous biohacker Bryan Johnson - has taken to social media after his father shared his 'erection data', and has expressed his 'gratitude' for the way he lives.
It's only January and we might just have witnessed the strangest story of the year, as biohacker Bryan Johnson shared his son's 'erection data' to social media, directly comparing it with his own to prove that he's successfully 'de-aged' his penis.
While that's certainly a hard sentence to take in at first glace, the results are difficult to deny: not only is Johnson senior's 'average erection quality' higher than his son's despite the 28-year age difference, he's also achieved a significantly higher 'sleep efficiency' score which we can only assume is down to the erections in question.
This is all part of Johnson's 'Project Blueprint', in which the former tech CEO is spending over $2,000,000 every single year to slow down the aging process and maybe even cheat death.
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It didn't take long for Johnson's son Talmage to respond to the bizarre post on X either, and while most children would find this quite possibly the most embarrassing thing in existence, the 19-year-old has more than embraced it.
Quoting his dad's post, Talmage said the following: "I'm grateful for the way my dad has raised me."
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This is after Bryan used his son's plasma in transfusions to begin the anti-aging project, granting him the affectionate name of 'blood boy' in the process.
Many have reacted in shock to this post, with some finding it impossible to avoid the painfully obvious double entendre of 'raised' when on the subject of erections.
One user remarks that this is "next level 'parents embarrassing their children'", whereas another adds that "idk how to tell you this but this is not normal or okay."
It's all part of Bryan Johnson's plan to 'de-age' his penis, as he argues on the Project Blueprint website: "If you're not having robust boners at night, you're 70% more likely to die prematurely. If you're grinding at the expense of your health, you're flaccid."
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Johnson positions erections as the penis' way of working out, and increasing how often you get hard can lead to a number of beneficial factors like healthy nerves, increased blood flow, high sleep quality, and balanced hormones.
He also claims to have an 'AndroAge' - otherwise known as your equivalent erection health age - of below 20-years-old despite being over double that, and it's measured using a wide variety of scientific methods.
At the heart of it all though is the Adam Health sensor which is a bit like a Fitbit for your penis. The device fits around the appendage, and measure the number of erections, their 'quality', and their total duration - which Johnson reveals, for him, is as long as Titanic.
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Talmage Johnson remarks in his Instagram bio that while he was born too late to explore Earth and too early to explore space, he was born "right on time for Don't Die," and he must feel lucky that the process involves sharing 'boner biographies' with his dad.