YouTuber with over 2 million subscribers reconsiders plan to seek assisted suicide after concern from fans

Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide, which some readers may find distressing.

YouTube animator Max "hotdiggedydemon" Gilardi raised concerns after he admitted to fans that he was considering assisted dying in Switzerland, citing health concerns and saying, "There’s nothing more expensive than living."

The 38-year-old has 2.18 million followers on YouTube, creating parodies of everything from Mario to Five Nights at Freddy's, known best for his PONY.MOV series that puts a decidedly NSFW twist on the My Little Pony IP.

During an August 1 livestream titled "A Perfectly Normal Stream", Gilardi made a shock announcement to his viewers, coming just days after Rebecca Luna posted her final video and opted for assisted dying.

hotdiggedydemo reveals assisted dying plans

In 2024, Gilardi announced he was taking a step back from animation due to a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. The long-term health condition is characterized by widespread pain due to how the central nervous system manages pain signals.

Other symptoms include 'fibro-fog' affecting memory, extreme fatigue, IBS, and sensitivity to bright lights and noise, as well as more.

Expanding on his recent troubles, Gilardi claims it's gotten so bad that he can't sleep because his skin feels like it's itching. Opening up further, he added: "I feel as if I've lost a big chunk of my brain power. I can't think right anymore. It's hard to explain, but it's like my mind has been hollowed out.

"Your mind is kind of like, you know, your identity. It's who you are. So, naturally, losing it is crazy. I feel like a weird NPC who's just kind of like wandering through life as just a body on autopilot."

Saying it's even so bad he feels like he's struggling to get enough air, Gilardi admitted: "A little over a year ago, maybe like 14 months, I realized I needed to start thinking of some kind of final solution, some option that would serve as a resolution to all of these problems.

“And after considering every option I could think of, ultimately that solution has taken the form of doctor-assisted euthanasia.

Gilardi highlighted the expense of going to Switzerland for assisted dying and a potential $17,000 price tag, but said that a series of medical tests into symptoms like one he's branded 'slobbermouth' (excessive drooling) have proved inconclusive while leading to him racking up massive medical bills and credit card debt.

The YouTuber mused: "If you think dying is expensive, imagine how expensive it would be for me to live for another two to three decades. You know, that would be really expensive. There's nothing more expensive than living."

Gilardi issues update after fans express concerns

Gilardi outlined plans to start a crowdfunding campaign to help him stay in his apartment for another year so he could sort through his possessions and make arrangements for his pet. At the time of writing, no crowdfunder has been started, while Gilardi himself has issued an update.

As reported by Dexerto, Gilardi took to X to add: "JEEEEZ you guys okay fine haha jk just kidding!! Nevermind!! Jk just kidding jk jk!!"

This was then followed up by another post reading: "Decided I’m not thinking clearly, will reassess."

Replying to his original livestream, one concerned fan wrote: "Hi Max. My son has made me aware of your plight. I have had fibromyalgia for over 40 years. I know what it's like to wake up every day in pain, knowing it likely will never go away.

“But I beg of you to reconsider, and don't do anything rash. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

Another jumped to his defense and called out his critics as they added: "People who say he's attention seeking: what the hell? he's just being transparent, and he's venting out all the stuff he's going through. what?"

A third donated $100 as they concluded: "Max, I know things are bleak, but I really hope you can find treatment and get to a manageable state. I've always loved your stuff, and I think you're a really great and funny guy. I wish the best for you, truly ❤."

Gilardi's promise to 'reassess' his situation is currently the latest thing he's said on the situation, with an outpouring of support seemingly showing the animator what he means to the YouTube community and beyond.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in a mental health crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.

If you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The Helpline is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.